The Story Behind The Last Year
The Last Year and its premise began long before I wrote it in late 1995. The idea began kicking around inside my head during the 1960s, when I attended my first "Christian School." I never thought of writing anything about the experience then, of course, but the ideas were taking root.
I grew up in a conservative Republican family in the South, and we were all traditional, Bible-oriented folks. Fundamentalist Protestantism was like water and air to us, so universal and ever-present, we never questioned it or realized how much it shaped our lives.
During my college days in Nashville, in the early 1970s, I rebelled and joined the "sixties culture." Soon afterward, I married and had a son. The necessities of family life forced my wife and me to leave the counterculture, so we joined the march of so many young Baby Boomer families, back to our “roots.” For us, this meant Christian fundamentalism (my wife had the same background as I) and yes, locking myself deep inside the closet. Of course, I had known since before my junior high days that I was gay and even took some tentative "coming out" steps in the sixties. However, in those days, everybody told me I could “change,” that it was a sixties phase, and yes, I believed them for a while.
So, armed with my newfound “faith,” I attended Evangel College in Springfield, Missouri, then Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois (near Chicago), both “Christian” schools. Along the way, my marriage fell apart, and my wife and I went our separate ways. Subsequently, I began questioning everything in my life. For certain, my efforts at remaining closeted were taking their toll. During my last year at Wheaton, I had my first gay love affair, and the changes in my thinking became complete. I had stepped out of the closet for good, including the prison of fundamentalism. When I left Wheaton, I knew I was leaving more that just a place.
My first gay partner and I stayed together for many years, a time of great change in my life. Eventually, I moved to Los Angeles in 1989 and settled down. I've lived in Southern California quietly ever since. Meanwhile, after I turned my back on Wheaton and during the 1980s, my former "orthodox" religious compatriots underwent a startling change. When I was a part of the movement, we were just a bunch of isolated “evangelicals.” Before my eyes, these same folks became a political movement dubbed “The Religious Right” by the press.
I watched these developments with quiet unease. Those of us who used to live in that right-wing culture know firsthand how much those people absolutely hate gays and lesbians. They are well-meaning in their intentions, for sure, but caught up all too much in a tidal wave of collective bigotry and prejudice. Over the years, my thoughts on spirituality and who I am changed so much, I quietly buried my memories of those conservative schools and my closeted past. More than anything else, I wanted to forget the pain of trying to hide my real self and putting up with the constant, virulent homophobia of such a parochial world.
I was almost successful, until the day a couple of years ago, when I heard of an interesting event. Some people were forming an organization, the Wheaton College Gay and Lesbian Alumni (WCGALA), and I got on their mailing list. Paul Phillips, of the gay music group, Romanovsky and Phillips, had been a “Wheatie” (school slang for a Wheaton student) and the driving force behind this new group. I happened to be a fan of their music and was truly amazed to find out Paul and I shared this experience in common. WCGALA began mailing out a newsletter, so I started reading articles and letters from others who shared similar experiences to mine. Often I found myself nearly overcome with emotion. As buried experiences came back to my remembrance one by one, I realized my life in the evangelical world had shaped me more than I ever realized.
A lot of folks call Wheaton the Harvard of the Religious Right. Much of the thought and rationale of that entire movement began there. For example, Wheaton is Billy Graham's alma mater, and in many ways, it remains the intellectual "buckle" of the Bible belt. For those of us who attended Wheaton and were gay or lesbian, it was the best and worst of times. We remember the homophobia, yes, but also the friends and security we had to leave behind. In my life, the memories were even more poignant, because that world, of all places, was where I had my coming-out experience.
In early 1995, I took on the role of Southern California Coordinator for WCGALA. Our regional group of about a dozen people started getting together for times of sharing and reminiscing. These events accelerated my own personal “memory recovery” process. Then one night, I had a vivid dream. I saw a young guy, college-aged, driving a small red Volkswagen bug (like one I used to have) across an autumn, Midwestern landscape. He was alone and seemed determined. I asked myself, “Where is he going?” The answer, of course, was back to Wheaton. I woke up, knowing I had to write about his story. It was, of course, my own.
The clarity of the dream, especially the color and beauty back east during fall, made me want to see the events take place, not just put them down in words. These images had to become a film, and the idea gripped me so profoundly, I couldn't rest until it came to life as a screenplay. The guy in the Volkswagen became the main character, Paul, and the rest of his story soon came to life. Once I had finished the work, I realized that Hollywood's aversion to gay subject matter during the late 1990s would prevent me from getting it through any of the "accepted routes." So I put aside the normal pathways of sending scripts to agents and film companies. Instead, I set out on the independent road to getting this film produced. Since then, many others joined with me, including a director, Jeff London, and actors.
Finally, in 2002, London and Guardian Pictures produced the The Last Year. It opened to critical and festival success, but was quickly dragged down by needless controversy. Protests from the Religious Right limited its acceptability in theaters, and even got it banned from many "red state" video stores after its release on DVD. From the other side, scores of self-proclaimed "critics" and "auteurs" put the film down because of its perceived low-budget "rough edges" and London's in-your-face, guerilla filmmaking style. Sadly, the majority of these nay-sayers were gay themselves. What does that say about us as a "community?" Many of them proclaimed the film shouldn't have been made in the first place.
So why was there a need for this film? Essentially, it proves the lie of the Religious Right's cliché that they “hate the sin and love the sinner.” If anything, they hate us, as gay and lesbian people, even more than sin. And most of all they despise those of us “queers” who sojourn in their midst. We are (or were) deceivers, outsiders wearing and profaning the cloak of the elect. If they could, they would condemn us to the lowest levels of hell. We are the obvious and unavoidable signs that homosexuality comes from “us,” all of us, and not just “them.”
Happily, critics who wanted to bury The Last Year didn't succeed. Its main audience, those of us who actually lived this story one way or another, have seen and loved this film. Though The Last Year never received great media acclamation, largely it did serve its purpose. The film reached and moved those who share the experiences it portrays.
In many ways, The Last Year is autobiographical, but just partly. I have changed many of the names and circumstances for dramatic or protective reasons. For example, I was older than Paul while at Wheaton and Evangel. Eastmont College is not Wheaton but actually a composite of three Christian schools I attended. My romantic opposite at Wheaton was not a fellow student but instead a young townie, a part of the college crowd. I was lucky enough to keep my love a secret and graduate, though I had a close friend (the model for Hector) who was not so fortunate and almost had his life destroyed by the terrible experience. Finally, yes, the tragic suicide of a gay student did happen at Wheaton, but under different circumstances and a few years after I graduated.
Still, the main thrust of The Last Year is true and its theme universal. The human heart and nature will always rebel against tyranny because its tendency toward fascism is spiritually diseased and inhuman. This statement remains true, whether fascism masquerades as the “big lies” of despot or as the “sincere” self-righteousness of a religious movement. Does anyone remember the Spanish Inquisition? I firmly believe that runaway religious fanaticism and fundamentalism, whether Christian, Muslim, or whatever its roots, has become the greatest threat in our time, to decent civilization.
Unfortunately, a revolution against this kind of inhumanity brings out the worst, as well as the best, that is in us. However, I also believe that in the long run, freedom, compassion, personal loyalty, humanity, and above all, justice will prevail.
I grew up in a conservative Republican family in the South, and we were all traditional, Bible-oriented folks. Fundamentalist Protestantism was like water and air to us, so universal and ever-present, we never questioned it or realized how much it shaped our lives.
During my college days in Nashville, in the early 1970s, I rebelled and joined the "sixties culture." Soon afterward, I married and had a son. The necessities of family life forced my wife and me to leave the counterculture, so we joined the march of so many young Baby Boomer families, back to our “roots.” For us, this meant Christian fundamentalism (my wife had the same background as I) and yes, locking myself deep inside the closet. Of course, I had known since before my junior high days that I was gay and even took some tentative "coming out" steps in the sixties. However, in those days, everybody told me I could “change,” that it was a sixties phase, and yes, I believed them for a while.
So, armed with my newfound “faith,” I attended Evangel College in Springfield, Missouri, then Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois (near Chicago), both “Christian” schools. Along the way, my marriage fell apart, and my wife and I went our separate ways. Subsequently, I began questioning everything in my life. For certain, my efforts at remaining closeted were taking their toll. During my last year at Wheaton, I had my first gay love affair, and the changes in my thinking became complete. I had stepped out of the closet for good, including the prison of fundamentalism. When I left Wheaton, I knew I was leaving more that just a place.
My first gay partner and I stayed together for many years, a time of great change in my life. Eventually, I moved to Los Angeles in 1989 and settled down. I've lived in Southern California quietly ever since. Meanwhile, after I turned my back on Wheaton and during the 1980s, my former "orthodox" religious compatriots underwent a startling change. When I was a part of the movement, we were just a bunch of isolated “evangelicals.” Before my eyes, these same folks became a political movement dubbed “The Religious Right” by the press.
I watched these developments with quiet unease. Those of us who used to live in that right-wing culture know firsthand how much those people absolutely hate gays and lesbians. They are well-meaning in their intentions, for sure, but caught up all too much in a tidal wave of collective bigotry and prejudice. Over the years, my thoughts on spirituality and who I am changed so much, I quietly buried my memories of those conservative schools and my closeted past. More than anything else, I wanted to forget the pain of trying to hide my real self and putting up with the constant, virulent homophobia of such a parochial world.
I was almost successful, until the day a couple of years ago, when I heard of an interesting event. Some people were forming an organization, the Wheaton College Gay and Lesbian Alumni (WCGALA), and I got on their mailing list. Paul Phillips, of the gay music group, Romanovsky and Phillips, had been a “Wheatie” (school slang for a Wheaton student) and the driving force behind this new group. I happened to be a fan of their music and was truly amazed to find out Paul and I shared this experience in common. WCGALA began mailing out a newsletter, so I started reading articles and letters from others who shared similar experiences to mine. Often I found myself nearly overcome with emotion. As buried experiences came back to my remembrance one by one, I realized my life in the evangelical world had shaped me more than I ever realized.
A lot of folks call Wheaton the Harvard of the Religious Right. Much of the thought and rationale of that entire movement began there. For example, Wheaton is Billy Graham's alma mater, and in many ways, it remains the intellectual "buckle" of the Bible belt. For those of us who attended Wheaton and were gay or lesbian, it was the best and worst of times. We remember the homophobia, yes, but also the friends and security we had to leave behind. In my life, the memories were even more poignant, because that world, of all places, was where I had my coming-out experience.
In early 1995, I took on the role of Southern California Coordinator for WCGALA. Our regional group of about a dozen people started getting together for times of sharing and reminiscing. These events accelerated my own personal “memory recovery” process. Then one night, I had a vivid dream. I saw a young guy, college-aged, driving a small red Volkswagen bug (like one I used to have) across an autumn, Midwestern landscape. He was alone and seemed determined. I asked myself, “Where is he going?” The answer, of course, was back to Wheaton. I woke up, knowing I had to write about his story. It was, of course, my own.
The clarity of the dream, especially the color and beauty back east during fall, made me want to see the events take place, not just put them down in words. These images had to become a film, and the idea gripped me so profoundly, I couldn't rest until it came to life as a screenplay. The guy in the Volkswagen became the main character, Paul, and the rest of his story soon came to life. Once I had finished the work, I realized that Hollywood's aversion to gay subject matter during the late 1990s would prevent me from getting it through any of the "accepted routes." So I put aside the normal pathways of sending scripts to agents and film companies. Instead, I set out on the independent road to getting this film produced. Since then, many others joined with me, including a director, Jeff London, and actors.
Finally, in 2002, London and Guardian Pictures produced the The Last Year. It opened to critical and festival success, but was quickly dragged down by needless controversy. Protests from the Religious Right limited its acceptability in theaters, and even got it banned from many "red state" video stores after its release on DVD. From the other side, scores of self-proclaimed "critics" and "auteurs" put the film down because of its perceived low-budget "rough edges" and London's in-your-face, guerilla filmmaking style. Sadly, the majority of these nay-sayers were gay themselves. What does that say about us as a "community?" Many of them proclaimed the film shouldn't have been made in the first place.
So why was there a need for this film? Essentially, it proves the lie of the Religious Right's cliché that they “hate the sin and love the sinner.” If anything, they hate us, as gay and lesbian people, even more than sin. And most of all they despise those of us “queers” who sojourn in their midst. We are (or were) deceivers, outsiders wearing and profaning the cloak of the elect. If they could, they would condemn us to the lowest levels of hell. We are the obvious and unavoidable signs that homosexuality comes from “us,” all of us, and not just “them.”
Happily, critics who wanted to bury The Last Year didn't succeed. Its main audience, those of us who actually lived this story one way or another, have seen and loved this film. Though The Last Year never received great media acclamation, largely it did serve its purpose. The film reached and moved those who share the experiences it portrays.
In many ways, The Last Year is autobiographical, but just partly. I have changed many of the names and circumstances for dramatic or protective reasons. For example, I was older than Paul while at Wheaton and Evangel. Eastmont College is not Wheaton but actually a composite of three Christian schools I attended. My romantic opposite at Wheaton was not a fellow student but instead a young townie, a part of the college crowd. I was lucky enough to keep my love a secret and graduate, though I had a close friend (the model for Hector) who was not so fortunate and almost had his life destroyed by the terrible experience. Finally, yes, the tragic suicide of a gay student did happen at Wheaton, but under different circumstances and a few years after I graduated.
Still, the main thrust of The Last Year is true and its theme universal. The human heart and nature will always rebel against tyranny because its tendency toward fascism is spiritually diseased and inhuman. This statement remains true, whether fascism masquerades as the “big lies” of despot or as the “sincere” self-righteousness of a religious movement. Does anyone remember the Spanish Inquisition? I firmly believe that runaway religious fanaticism and fundamentalism, whether Christian, Muslim, or whatever its roots, has become the greatest threat in our time, to decent civilization.
Unfortunately, a revolution against this kind of inhumanity brings out the worst, as well as the best, that is in us. However, I also believe that in the long run, freedom, compassion, personal loyalty, humanity, and above all, justice will prevail.
Howdy Russ-
Stopped by to read after receiving the note-- I'm so sorry about the job! But more importantly, I wanted to say reading the story of The Last Year really helped me understand why the heck anyone gay would attend a fundamentalist Christian college. As a former Catholic (always recovering!), the details of how fundamentalism molds was important, but made me remember Christ is such a victim of human error and bigotry. I can see why one might go to Wheaton, but I can see where the price might be too high.
Thanks for your insight-- glad the site is up!
Sam
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